Another quiet Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday 2016. 
If I was back home, I would have attended church with my family, came home with a palm branch and eaten Sunday dinner surrounded by people I love. Instead, this weekend, I decided to hibernate and clean my 2 room apartment. Yesterday my friend invited me out for coffee with one of his friends. I forced myself to go out for two reasons. One reason was to meet him and socialize and the other was  because I knew that if I did get out the house, then I would have more energy to clean once I came back in. I did have more energy and did clean half of my apartment on Saturday and the other half today.

Two of the people I talked to on kakao regularly left South Korea last week. So this leaves a void that I am not eager to replace just yet.

I chatted with a few friends on kakao but did not feel like socializing with anyone. There is no one here that I am close to since my friends left last April. Most of the people I meet here, have major issues and sometimes I do not feel like being a therapist for their problems. I am not an open person so I only tell someone about my problems when I learn to trust you. If I do not trust you then you will only get the "surface me" nothing deeper.  The "surface me" is the person who is always trying to look at the bright side and who drinks from a glass that is always half full.

Last year, I thought I had found a real "friend" and told this person about a problem I was having back home. Well, this "friend" basically told me "I am sorry about your problem but I do not want to hear anymore about it.  It would upset me too much".  LOL. That taught me to stay away from people here! People will pretend to be there for you until their selfish needs get met and then they are on to the next sucker. Do I sound a little bitter? Yes, I am. I really miss having real friends who have your back no matter what. That is why it is so isolating here. There are tons of people to take trips with, to drink with and to have mindless fun activities with but the substance is lacking. Real connections are hard to come by.

So I listen to problems and give suggestions and, rarely, share my problems with anyone here.

Why share if there is no real connection? I know that most of the people who come here have their own demons they are fighting. Not everyone wants to place their demons center stage for all to see and judge. Not everyone wants to share their demons.

Sometimes it is okay to be isolated here and only let others in occasionally but sometimes it is very lonely. I learned a big lesson last year when I tried to meet new friends and ended up meeting devils instead. Lesson learned. No need to repeat those same mistakes. Now I just want to go on trips, enjoy traveling, write on my blog and take beautiful pictures. I am choosing to be happy regardless of the situation that I find myself in.

I do wish I could meet a person here that I could trust who was not flaky, a user  or crazy.

Or am I the crazy one?