Friday, April 24, 2015

1 Year in So Ko! Woooohooooo!!!! What I have learned.


These are just some of the ways I (and others) have assimilated into the country of the morning calm.
If I missed any, please add, thanks.

*Teachers having to sit at their desk for hours when there is no one else in the school
*Being in classrooms so cold you can see your breath
*Wearing long johns, gloves, scarves and a coat...to teach

*Having to attend mandatory monthly teacher dinners where you are ignored while        everyone speaks Korean around you
*Having to break into your office daily because the school does not trust you with a real key
*3 hours mandatory, weekly teachers' volleyball games

*Your students coming to school sick and infecting you
*Not being able to call out sick because NO ONE takes a sick day here
*Being too sick to teach but coming to work anyway and infecting others
*Finally calling out sick when your fever is over 100 and your teacher stops by to make sure  you are really sick

*Having to fill out IRS tax-like documents just to travel to another country during your  personal vacation time
*Learning to wash your clothes on Friday so they will be dry for work...on Monday
*Getting used to drying your body with "crunchy" air-dried towels

*Learning to use toilet paper as napkins
*Eating unidentifiable school lunches on a regular basis
*Daydreaming of food from back home while eating the school lunch
*Being hungry right after eating the school lunch

*Being the only one in school who wipes off the chopsticks before dessert
*Being shocked when you are asked to sign legal documents/contracts (immigration,  medical, housing, phone) written completely in a foreign language
*Trying to find an app to translate the legal documents/contracts
*Trying to find a Korean to translate the legal documents/contracts
*Regularly signing legal documents/contracts written in a foreign language.
  Without. Blinking. An. Eye.

*Not being able to find clothes or shoes because you are a "giant" on this side of the ocean
*Being surprised at how you still manage to accumulate more clothes

*Having to take out a mortgage to buy fried chicken, beef or ice cream
*Having to refinance that mortgage to buy fruit
*Paying $10 bucks for electricity
*Paying $15 bucks for a gas bill

*Making a great Korean friend
*Losing a great Korean friend who only wants to practice English on you
*Making another great Korean friend
*Losing a great Korean friend who only wants you as a trophy foreigner friend
*Making a great Korean friend
*Keeping the great Korean friend

*Getting used to seeing black-haired senior citizens slowly riding by on mopeds,
  motorcycles, bikes and tractors
*Hearing Koreans say "FIGHTING" all the time
*Wanting to strangle the next person who says "FIGHTING"
*Sigh. Saying "FIGHTING"

*Getting on the plane to Korea looking exactly how you look
*Stepping off the plane into Korea and becoming "HAN SUM" and "BEAUTIFUL"
*Having wifi everywhere
*Learning pretty quickly that a few foreigners/expats creep you out
*Vowing to stay away from creepy foreigners/expats
*Hanging out with creepy foreigners/expats regularly

*Horrified when a driver has an infant/toddler on their lap
*Still horrified when you see it six days/six weeks/six months later
*Never getting over the horror of seeing an infant/toddler on the lap of someone driving a  car

*Being puzzled at to why there is an empty seat next to you on a crowded subway/bus
*Rolling your eyes at the empty seat next to you on a crowded subway/bus
*Taking a selfie of you and the empty seat on a crowded subway/bus. Say "kimchi"!

*Losing your wallet/handbag
*Almost having a heart attack when a Korean returns it to you

*Never, ever, getting used to blackface on Korean television
*Starting to resent your co-teacher for passive-aggressive behavior
*Reading real co-teacher horror stories on waygook.org
*Bringing snacks to school to silently thank your co-teachers for the "lightweight"  torture

*Having a doctor visit last for 25 minutes from start to finish
*Not understanding a word that doctor says to you
*Being offered an IV just for the hell of it
*Getting a long string of medicine with NO NAME on it
*Taking the long string of medicine with NO NAME on it
*Paying only $4 bucks for the long string of medicine

*Being introduced to the squat toilet and vowing never to use it
*Using the squat toilet regularly and urinating on your legs
*Becoming an expert at using the squat toilet

*Puzzled as to why there is no shower divider in the bathroom
*Upset at how everything gets wet and moldy
*Learning to take a shower and clean your entire bathroom at the same time

*Being eager and idealistic about teaching your students English
*Spending hours on lesson plans to TEACH YOUR STUDENTS ENGLISH
*Classes being cancelled so the lessons plans are wasted
*Learning to do lesson plans in five minutes
*Watching youtube during your lesson planning/deskwarming time

*Starting to believe you have watched everything there is to watch on youtube
*Hearing your co-teacher speak 95% Korean in English class
*Being outraged at this
*Finally realizing we are not here to really teach English
*Beginning to daydream of where you will travel next while your co-teacher
  speaks Korean in English class

*Being outraged the first time a taxi you're in runs a red light
*Being outraged when a taxi you're in does NOT run a red light
*Being meticulous about changing into your sandals when you arrive at school
*Watching students AND teachers wear their sandals outside and even on the sandy  playground
*Doing the same damn thing

*Marveling at how the students and teachers all brush their teeth after eating lunch
*Marveling at how the same students and teachers neglect to wash their hands after #1 or  #2
*Disgusted when the same generous students offer you food with their hands

*Searching for Korean movies with English subtitles to watch during deskwarming
*Watching Korean movies by observing  their facial expressions and body language
*Enjoying and understanding 90% ( ok 95%) of Korean movies without English subtitles

*Learning to love KPop
*Wanting to meet your favorite KPop group
*Meeting your favorite KPop group

*Shocked at how acceptable plastic surgery is here
*Shaking your head at how common plastic surgery is here
*Considering getting a little (just a little) plastic surgery

*Being alarmed at how your presence generates mass hysteria
*Being angry that people touch you/take your picture without permission
*Agreeing to take a few selfies with a couple of teenagers
*Signing autographs while at the bus stop
*Not leaving the house until you are paparazzi-ready

*Sending money home to pay your loans/bills religiously
*Missing one month but hey that was one time
*Blowing your salary on a trip outside of Korea (hey you only live once)
*Forgetting who Fannie Mae is

*Going home for vacation to see family and friends
*Surprised that you miss many things about South Korea

*Loving and appreciating the beauty of So Ko, your adopted home