My Travel blog: April 2016

My friend and long time co-worker, Garth, died this past weekend. My tears keep flowing that such a sincerely nice guy has been taken from us. When I found out he was sick in January, I reached out to another former co-worker for his cell number and called him. He sounded optimistic and I told him that I missed him and would pray for him. It felt so good to hear his voice! It was strong. About ten days ago I felt an urgent need to speak with him again. So I called him three times in one week. The first time I got the voice mail and left a message. The second time, I spoke with a family member and left a message that I just called to say hello from South Korea. The third and last time I asked for the family member to give him a message. I said, "Please tell Garth that I love him". I hope he got the message. I know he is out of pain now and I am happy for that.

Today at work, after my classes, I kept staring at his picture. I cannot believe he is no longer on this earth. I could not stop crying. Why are the good ones taken when there are so many evil people in this world? Why him? I know death comes for everyone but knowing that does not lessen the pain.

I believe everything happens for a reason...but I cannot find a reason for this.

Garth had a sincere heart and was a considerate human being. He always had a smile for everyone. The world has lost a kind soul. I will continue praying for his family.

Rest in peace, Garthie.

You will be missed.

Saturday April 16^th, 2016 11:30pm

I don’t even know how to tell this story.

After two years of playing the role of humble foreigner who is respectful of Korean culture and its hierarchy …I finally snapped. In a BIG WAY.

Here’s what happened.

This morning I met up with my friend, Chris, who is leaving to go back home to Canada next Sunday. Today was our last day to see each other. We were both in the same orientation class in April of 2014 and I am really going to miss him. So we met up, had a buffet lunch, saw a movie, went eye-shopping in downtown Gwangju, and even saw a flash mob dance in the rain. It was a really great day. At 8:30 pm I hugged and kissed my friend and said my good-byes.

It was really windy and rainy and I was finally able to hail a taxi after getting soaked for about five minutes. I got into the taxi and said hello and then asked him to take me to U Square bus terminal. He said something in Korean and I replied “bus nay”. He started to drive and said something else, but I just nodded and looked out the window. I was hoping to catch my 8:50 bus. The driver said something else to me but I ignored him because my Korean is minimal. I did not want to attempt a conversation. I just wanted to catch my bus to get home.

Our taxi gets stuck in traffic at a red light one minute later, the driver puts the car into park, says something then does the blowjob gesture (fingers put into an O shaped and moving back and forth towards the mouth) then he says in clear English, “Are you hungry”? He then leans over the front seat at me and chuckles.

Now, if any ladies are reading this, you know there is a certain look/leer and sinister chuckle that a man gives when he has said something sexually inappropriate. Well, tonight I found out that this is universal across cultural boundaries. I realized what he meant and said to him loudly, “I am American. BE CAREFUL.” I repeated it. What I meant was that I was raised in Newark. Watch yourself, fool. He must have gotten my meaning because the rest of the taxi ride was quiet.

My spirit was upset. I was thinking, “Did this motherf@cker just ask me if I was hungry for his little d@ck”? I felt disrespected and small. This guy had the nerve to feel that he had a right to say something that disrespectful to me? Why?

Because you disrespect your own Korean women so you feel it is ok?

Why?

Because I am a “stupid lowly” foreigner so you feel you can treat me like sh@t?

Why?

Because I am an “oversexed” Black woman and you thought I would welcome this kind of treatment?

Well, I decided that I before I got out the cab I would tell him (in English) that he was rude and disrespectful and leave his door open when I got out. I know it sounds stupid but that was all I could think of to do to show him my anger.

So he finally gets us to U Square bus terminal. I throw his money at the front passenger seat, say the words I had decided to say, rolled down his window and left the car door open after I walked away from the taxi.

I was already in the door of U Square when he got out of his seat to close the door. But he started talking shit because I had left the door open.

Well, I SNAPPED. When I say SNAPPED, I mean SNAPPED. I walked back to his taxi and started screaming at him, hysterically. I know I was hysterical because I could hear myself screaming at him at the TOP OF MY LUNGS, in a high pitched, shrill voice. And I was raised to NEVER show out in public. NEVER.

What did I scream – you ask?

YOU STUPID @ASS M@THERF@CKER, F@CK YOU!! F@CK YOU!! I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS (BL@WJOB GESTURE WITH MY HANDS) F@CK YOU! F@CK YOU!!

I screamed it ten times at the top of my lungs as I got in his face. A crowd gathered and I DID NOT CARE. Because what you NOT GONNA DO, when I came halfway across the world to teach your damn kids, is disrespect me.

What you NOT GONNA do is ask me if I am HUNGRY FOR A BLOWJOB.

What you NOT GONNA do is think you can get away with disrespecting me.

I do NOT care WHOSE country this is.

I do NOT care who you THINK you are.

I do NOT care if you treat your own women like this.

I do NOT care about the “angry Black women fake @ss label”.

Why am I the only one responsible for the image of a whole race of women?

No. No.

Because what you NOT GONNA DO is disrespect me.

A woman who spoke English came over to me and said maybe I misheard him. I screamed at her – I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!!! (bl@wjob gesture).

Then I screamed at the driver one last time.

YOU STUPID @ASS M@THERF@CKER, F@CK YOU!! F@CK YOU!! I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS (BL@WJOB GESTURE WITH MY HANDS) F@CK YOU! F@CK YOU!!

After that, I stomped away and went into a bathroom stall inside of U Square.

My hands were shaking. My blood was boiling and I wanted to scream!

Finally I calmed down enough to go and exchange my ticket. (I had missed my bus). Five minutes later I was sitting on a bus riding back to my hometown.

My hands were still shaking.

I put my arms around myself, leaned my head against the window and cried.

I cried because he thought it was ok to say that to me.

I cried because it takes so much emotional strength to be in this country.

I cried because it gets so hard being a “zoo animal” and “other” all the time here.

I cried because I was glad I had stood up for myself.

Right now as I write this, I am showered and in my pjs eating ice cream, in my apartment, my safe haven. I have dried my tears.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will sleep this off and be strong again tomorrow.

But tonight…I just need a hug.

______________________________________________________________

**************************************************************

Edited - Nov 2020

This is the clean version that I submitted Nov 2020 to the Chicken Soup series.

I am a Black American woman living and teaching in South Korea. South Korea is a country that has developed fast economically but still has a ways to go socially. Sexism and racism are very common here and feels it feels like 1950s USA. Even after living here for several years, there are still things that happen that leave me speechless. Here is one of my stories on facing sexism from a taxi driver in South Korea one night. It was not my best moment but definitely a life lesson.

After three years of playing the role of humble, respectful foreigner of South Korean culture and its strict hierarchy, enduring USA’s 1950s sexism and racism …I finally snapped. In a BIG WAY.

Here’s what happened.

This morning I met up with my friend, Chris, who is leaving to go back home to Canada next Sunday. I was really going to miss him. So we met up, had a buffet lunch, saw a movie, went window-shopping in the downtown are and even saw a flash mob dance in the rain. It was a really great day. At 8:30 pm I hugged and kissed my friend and said my good-byes. We knew we would never see each other again.

It was wet and windy and I was finally able to hail a taxi after getting soaked for about five minutes. I got into the taxi, said hello and then asked him to take me to the U Square bus terminal. He said something in Korean and I replied “bus terminal nay” (yes, the bus terminal). He started to drive and said something else, but I just nodded and looked out the window. I was hoping to catch my 8:50pm bus and was savoring how great my day had been. The driver said something else to me but I ignored him because my Korean language skill is minimal. I did not want to attempt a conversation and just wanted to catch my bus to get back to my city.

Our taxi gets stuck in traffic at a red light a few minutes later, the driver puts the car into park, says something, does a sexual gesture then he says in clear English, “Are you hungry”? He then leans over the front seat at me, looks over my body and chuckles.

Now, if any ladies are reading this, you know there is a certain look/leer and sinister chuckle that a man gives when he has said something sexually inappropriate. Well, tonight I found out that this look is universal, across all cultural boundaries. I realized what he meant and said to him loudly twice, “I am American. BE CAREFUL.” What I meant was that I was raised on the east coast, New York area. Watch yourself, fool. He must have gotten my meaning because the rest of the taxi ride was quiet.

My spirit was upset. I was thinking, “Did this jerk just ask me if I was hungry for him sexually”? I felt disrespected and small. The good feelings from my great day quickly melted away and disappeared.

This guy had the nerve to feel that he had a right to say something that disrespectful to me? Why?
Because you disrespect your own women so you feel it is ok?

Why?

Because I am a “stupid lowly” foreigner so you feel you can treat me like crap?

Why?

Because I am an “oversexed” Black woman who you thought would welcome this kind of treatment?

Well, I decided that before I got out the taxi I would tell him (in English) that he was rude and disrespectful and leave his door open when I got out. I know it sounds stupid but that was all I could think of to do to show him my anger.

So he finally gets us to the U Square bus terminal. I throw his money at the front passenger seat, mumbled the words I had decided to say, rolled down his window and left the car door open after walking away from the taxi.

I was already in the door of U Square bus terminal, a few yards away, when he got out of his front seat to close the open door. But he started talking crap because I had left the taxi’s passenger door open.

Well, I SNAPPED. When I say SNAPPED, I mean SNAPPED. I walked back to his taxi and started screaming at him, hysterically. I know I was hysterical because I could hear myself screaming at him at the TOP OF MY LUNGS, in a high pitched, shrill voice, outside of my body. And I was raised to NEVER show out in public. NEVER.

What did I scream – you ask?

YOU STUPID JERK, TO HELL WITH YOU!! I KNOW WHAT THAT GESTURE MEANS! TO HELL WITH YOU!!

What you NOT GONNA do is ask me if I am HUNGRY FOR SEX.

What you NOT GONNA do is think you can get away with disrespecting me.

I do NOT care WHOSE country this is.

I do NOT care who you THINK you are.

I do NOT care if you treat your own women like this.

I do NOT care about the “angry Black women false stereotype label”.

Why am I the only one responsible for the image of a whole race of women?

No. No. NO!

Because what you NOT GONNA DO is disrespect me.

A woman who spoke English came over to me and said maybe I misheard him. I screamed at her – I KNOW WHAT HE MEANT!!!

Then I screamed at the driver one last time.

YOU STUPID JERK! YOU STUPID JERK! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT! YOU ARE DISRESPECTFUL! LEARN SOME RESPECT!

After screaming, I stomped away and hid in a bathroom stall inside of the U Square bus terminal.

My hands were shaking. My blood was boiling and I wanted to scream!

Finally I calmed down enough to go and exchange my ticket. (I had missed my bus). Ten minutes later I was sitting on a bus riding back to my hometown.

My hands were still shaking. My body was trembling with emotion.

I put my arms around myself, leaned my head against the window and cried.

My tears fell because he thought it was okay to say that to me.

The tears fell because it takes so much emotional strength to live in a foreign country alone.

I cried because it gets so hard being a “zoo animal” and “other” all the time here.

But I also cried tears of strength because I was happy to have stood up for myself.

Right now as I write this, I’m showered and in my pjs, eating cheesecake ice cream, in my warm bed, my safe haven. My tears are gone and my body is still.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will sleep this off and be strong again tomorrow.

But tonight…I just need a hug.