Sleepless in Korea

Help!
You see, the way my quiet building is set up the tenants can hear everything thru the paper-thin walls. Almost every night, I hear 
1) my neighbors being intimate (short strokes, 12.5 minutes max).
2) my other neighbor self-pleasuring (again short strokes, 3.5 minutes max).
3) my other neighbor snoring loudly (I want to text his wife to roll him over).
Besides cotton balls in my ears or throwing myself out of my 2nd floor window (I live in the countryside and would land on veggies and cow manure), does anyone have any useful (or funny) suggestions on how to deal with this night after night? Thanks in advance.
Signed,
Sleepless in Korea (LOL)

Yes, this is my current life.
You have to find humor, no?