EJ's motivational speech for anyone who wants to live abroad

EJ Asare
5 years in South Korea

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In the middle of my life I decided to move to South Korea and become a best selling author. The American rat race had worn me out. It was time to shake off life's disappointments and  dust off my youthful dreams.

I decided to self publish a children's picture book about diversity in Asia. The book, Joshua and Johnny, Coming to Korea (initial title), is about a brown boy and his pet bird who move from Ghana to Asia and their adjustment to living in South Korea. Living overseas allowed me the mental peace that was needed to remove my writer's block. I've lived in a slow countryside town in Korea for over five years. The town is peaceful, quiet and exactly what I needed after picking the corporate cotton in corporate America. 

You see, for over twenty years I'd followed the rules. I graduated from a decent university, kept my mouth shut and worked at three fortune 500 companies for more than two decades before being, thankfully, laid off. 

Right after graduating from Rutgers University,  I ordered a Peace Corps application and was waiting for it to arrive. The commercials showed amazing people living interesting and fulfilling lives. I always knew there was something inside of me that refused to succumb to the normal life of work, sleep and pay bills. My soul screamed out for adventure in a new country. It was time to take the leap and fly away from my normal life.  There was a big world out there and I was ready to explore it!

My dreams of changing the world by digging wells, building schools and learning about other cultures were paused when I agreed to attend a job fair where my girlfriend was working. She said she could get me into the well-known financial company...and she did. Sigh. I put the Peace Corps application away, in the back of a drawer, and purchased business attire. Instead of digging wells or building schools with my bare hands, I was assisting wealthy clients with their retirement assets. Instead of changing lives, I became another rat in the corporate race. 

During those twenty years I did my best to pursue my personal and career goals, even though it was a second choice life. I married, bought a rental property and had children.  My career was stagnant because my natural rebellious spirit would slip up occasionally and show itself within the rigid, soulless uniformity that the corporate plantation demands.

I was too much of myself to fit into what the slave system required. My soul hurt so much during those years. I butted heads with managers because, deep inside, I knew my truth was being suppressed. My left turn in life left my heart broken into pieces. I would cry before and after work. How did the other employees do it for so many years and not die inside?

Most of our parents have taught us to play it safe. My parents escaped Haiti's Duvalier dictatorship in the 1970s.  When they had a chance to settle down in the United States and have safe jobs, they clung to the security. It was their goal to create a safe space for our family to grow and be educated. Because my parents sacrificed so much in their lives, they wanted our lives to be stable and more secure than their volatile upbringing. My parents didn't want us to have the same

financial struggles and worries. Every parent wants their children to have good lives. But a good life does not have to be a safe life with safe choices. It is okay to want financial and emotional stability but not at the price of your freedom. 

You have to push your life goals even further than your parents. You have to decide for yourself- Do I want to survive or do I want to thrive? Surviving is getting up every day to commute to a job that you hate/dislike/tolerate in order to pay bills and have a few pennies to splurge every so often. Imagine doing that for thirty or forty years and then getting old. Is that the life you want for yourself? Do you want to die with regrets? 

Thriving, on the other hand, is choosing to become a butterfly. Becoming a butterfly means discovering what your passion, or purpose, in life is ...and following it. Being a butterfly will open up your boundaries and throw you out of that safe box.

When I finally made the decision to move overseas, to get out of that safe box, I started to feel free again. 

It's huge decision to live overseas but it is an even bigger decision to make living overseas enhance your life. If you decide to live overseas, don't waste that time. Use that time to discover new things about the world and yourself. Use that time to reflect on your life, discover what makes you happy and brings joy to your heart. Then follow that inspiration to change your life's path. 

There are two steps of bravery to living abroad. 

The first step is making the decision to pack your stuff, let go of your housing, sell your car/bike and saying good-bye to your friends and family. Being able to get your foot on the airplane is the first brave step to living abroad. But it doesn't stop there. 

The second brave step to living abroad requires you to actively choose to thrive in your adopted land. You have to decide never to give up no matter the situation. Living abroad requires you to live outside of your boundaries every day. You have to decide to allow yourself the freedom to grow and change so you can learn more about who you are and what makes your heart glow.  

When you travel or live overseas, you are immediately forced into new and different situations and cultures. The food, people and language are all different.
Your safety net is gone and you must adjust.  So your normal way of doing things will no longer apply. Your routine is gone and has to be replaced with new thoughts and actions. 

Is it scary? Hell yeah. Was there fear in my heart when I decided to move to Korea? Hell yeah. But I knew that the conventional life of the rat race back home was not for me anymore. I'd given twenty years of my life to it and could not sacrifice anymore. I've had highs and lows living in Asia but I would not trade the experience for anything in the world. 

Please, do not believe all the social media hype about living abroad. It is not all rainbows and unicorns. It won't fix what is broken within you. You can not run away from yourself. Whatever personal issues you have still has to be acknowledged, examined and healed. Living abroad will not fix your life just like winning the lottery won't make you happy. However, living abroad allows you the beautiful opportunity to grow, learn and become a better version of yourself. 

You just have to decide to use that time and space well. 

So let me ask you - how much more of your life will you waste doing something that you hate/dislike/tolerate before you choose to live differently? What will it take for you to start living your life out loud? It's okay to feel fear. It's even okay to allow the fear to make you hesitate. But it is not okay to allow the fear to stop you from becoming the butterfly you were always meant to be.

So, tell me, are you a butterfly?







EJ Asare is a wife and mother to three brilliant children. She lived in South Korea for five years. EJ has an undergraduate degree from Rutgers University and a master's degree from Saint Peter's University. Her popular self-published children's picture book "Josh and Johnny Coming to Korea" is based on her son and his pet parrot. She has a blog about living in South Korea, the highs and the lows. 
 

EJ Asare is a butterfly.

Eating out the trash...

 

I come to school early most days. Leave my house at 6:20am, walk down the mountain and catch the 6:30 bus to the next town over. Then I walk about five blocks to my school from the bus stop.

Walking to my school this morning, I saw an old man standing next to a bike near a food recycle bin. 

Food recycling is mandatory in South Korea. Every school, office building and apartment complex provides these big color specific trash cans to put disposed food in. So there are food trash cans outside many small buildings countrywide.

6:49am I saw the old man near the trash can. He froze when he saw me but that is a common reaction to my presence (in Korea) so I continued to walk by. Something made me look back and he had opened the big trash can and was looking for unspoiled food on the top of the disposed food. 

It made me sad that someone has to live like that.

It is probably a normal early morning routine. 

I usually do not walk that way from the bus stop, my normal route would've avoided seeing him. 

I did not take a picture of the old man out of respect for another human being but I did take a picture of the food trash can outside the back of my school's back door. 

Lesson 1 - We need to provide basic things for our elders worldwide, food, shelter, clothing and necessary medicine. These people sacrificed for our futures.

There is no reason on this plentiful green Earth that someone's grandfather should be digging in food garbage to get his next meal. 

Lesson 2 - Do your best to save and prepare for your elderly years. You never know what life will throw at you. 

Senior citizen early morning workout

 

This senior work out class just started at my bus stop in Suncheon!

Oooooh, I wish I could join.

They started out two weeks ago with three people and now have an entire class.

That is so cool!

I love it!

Honey dear

 

I think I should start exporting honey from west Africa.

The honey is so pure there that you can see bug parts in it, ha ha!

These high prices are too much!

Gorgeous landscaping🥰

 

My little town is soooo pretty!

Perfume timeglass

 

I only own one perfume bottle.

I am more of a mango lotion person but I promised myself that my life would be better before this bottle reaches the bottom...almost there.

Active 4th grade class

 

My active sweet, 4th graders

Too cute

 

Cute beastie students 

Be brave

 Be brave

No good gesture goes unpunished - Miss Lee, again

 

2nd UPDATE- Friday morning

Yes, she DID try and change the 9am class to after lunchee to benefit herself, even at the second inconvenience of the homeroom teachers, students and myself.

I told her that after being sick with allergies all week, I had no energy to teach five classes today, especially since I was only suppose to teach ONE DAMN CLASS, ha ha. Once she saw I was serious, she went and cancelled the second rescheduling request to the homeroom teacher. 

But...the strange thing was, when classes started at 9am, we both had all our students seated, she came to my classroom door and asked to speak to my Korean co-teacher, almost as if to ask her if she really needed me for that class so she could borrow me for her 9am class. TAKERS will always be takers. She was not happy to have my assistance for 3 full classes but wanted to insist that she have my help for all four of her classes, to make her teaching easier today. 

I can tell you that I have learned lots of lessons from getting to know her personality type better.  She has retaught me the necessity of boundaries and limits when interacting with these personality types. These lessons will serve me for the rest of my life. I am very grateful to her because these lessons were learned in a low-impact environment. 

Thank you, Mrs Lee. 

(Also, just to clarify, I am not grateful to be "so needed" and appreciated. It is not real need. It is a person's need to reduce her workload at the expense of everyone around her without regard for anyone else's situations or schedules. 

I understand now why everyone in this school hates/disregards her. She doesn't abide by the basic Korean rule of "appearance of generosity". She flaunts her selfishness with no self awareness. 

My close friend told me that it is my frustration of being in Korea and wanting to leave for the next chapter that has heightened my anger at her shenanigans. I miss being around sincere people who care about me and mutually want success for each other. 100% agreed.

I look forward to leaving her behind when I leave this country. 

UPDATE

I made sure that I picked up my real air con shield😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

I tried to do something nice for my co-teacher, Miss Lee, due to a death in her family and got sucker punched, again.

I asked if she wanted me to reschedule four classes for tomorrow (Friday when she returns from bereavement time) since there is a 6th grade field trip and no Englishee classes. She agreed, I asked the 5th grade homeroom teachers, they agreed and moved some classes around to have 4 English classes for tomorrow. I relayed to Teacher Lee, she asked if I would teach with her, I said "no" I teach grade 3 and 4 on Fridays. (I missed my 4 Monday classes due to her bereavement time and need to make up the 4 grade 5 classes).

 I later found out that I only had 1 class on Friday due to a 4th grade field trip. I relayed to Teacher Lee and told her that I could teach 3 classes with her. She THEN ASKED ME TO ASK THE 5th GRADE HOMEROOM teachers to change one class to AFTER LUNCH so I could teach ALL 4 ENGLISH CLASSES WITH HER, instead of teaching one class by herself.

You GREEDY, SELF-CENTERED NARCISSIST, witch.

Even death of a fellow kindred spirit does not phase you. 

I had felt bad for her due to a bad health condition (two years ago) so I had put an aircon shield in her classroom. The shield prevented the cold air from hitting her on the spine and aggravating her condition. 

This week, I felt sorry for her due to the death in her family and, today, went and put up another hand-made air con shield for her. 

BEFORE her text asking me to re-arrange AGAIN the 5th grade teachers' schedule AND to have 5 classes myself JUST TO MAKE HER LIFE EASIER. 

Okay, so THIS was the last straw.

She will never change. 

Every situation HAS to FULLY BENEFIT HER NEEDS AND WANTS regardless of any one else's situation.

So, I finally give up. I went back to her classroom and ripped down the diy air con shield then threw it away in her trashcan. She is a very selfish person who will always put her needs first, her marriage is perfect for her. 

Even if she comes in tomorrow and changes the 4th class to be after lunch, I will tell her that I was initially scheduled to teach only 4 classes tomorrow so she will have to teach that class alone. 

I actually WISH she would reschedule the class to an afternoon class just so I can say "no" again, with a straight face.

Where are the sweet and kind hearted co-teachers? I miss last year's English teacher sooooo much!

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 4 - the punishment

 

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 4- the punishment

The final punishment was this -

The three boys have to do five hours of community service with the science department. 

The two boys, who actually approached me, have to do ten hours of community service with the science department.

All five boys have to do one hour of sexual health counseling with the school's nurse. 

Nothing will go on their permanent record (as per my request). 

I have nothing else to say on this topic.

Please read the other three parts to find out what happened and my feelings about this incident.  The punishment has been given and the incident is now behind me, thank God.

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 3

 

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 3

The school asked if I wanted to be in the meeting with the parents. 

I refused to meet with the parents. No thanks. There was nothing they could say to me, in their limited English, and I did not want to deal with their tears and apologies. 

Too many emotions and I did NOT want to go through all that. 

But one Korean father (of the boy who said the vulgar words) insisted on meeting me and apologizing.

I could not refuse because he specifically asked to meet me and apologize a week after the incident. 

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So I have to say now there are distinct class differences in Korea, just like any other country. In the rich areas like Seoul and Gangnam, the families are wealthy and the arrogance oozes from the students in the English classes, up north. If the same incident had happened in a rich area, the angry, entitled rich father would've stormed into the school and made our Principal, the VP and (tried) to make me apologize for creating the environment at school that made his son utter such a vulgar sentence to an adult. 

His rich son would be absolved of any responsibility and continue treating the world like his own personal playground. Rich parents who do this hurt their children and create another generation of elite who step on the working class people.

__________________________________________________________________________

That is the sad part. There is a sadder part. 

Because I live in a village in South Korea, there is the counter class. 

This is a working class area. 

The father came into my classroom in the early afternoon. He had a slight build and appeared to be low income, a blue collar worker. There were no expensive ties or suits purchased from the UK. There was no scent of expensive cologne or arrogance that comes with being rich. There was just a humble, embarrassed father whose apology note was translated on an app. On the apology letter he blamed his low education level for him not being able to stop his son from saying something so vulgar to me.

It made me both angry and sad that both of these were true. 

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 4- the punishment next

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 2

 

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 2

The boy said the vulgar comment on a Friday. 

I wanted to sleep on my response. So Monday morning around 8:20am, I went to the 4th floor and asked to speak with the 6th grade homeroom teacher who speaks English well. We have a good rapport. We sat in the 6th grade teacher's room and I relayed the story to her and slipped her a paper with the vulgar sentence. I refused to say it. She responded in shock, as she took notes. She apologized for his vulgarity but I refused to accept it. It wasn't her fault, naw, son! That child is responsible for his bad ass actions. She confirmed that she would relay to the other 6th grade homeroom teachers and the Principal and VP of the school and get back to me with their response. 

Well, a shit storm happened at the school, as expected.

I heard the boys were sobbing when confronted and that their parents were called for a conference at the school. 

I also finally heard the full story.

A boy saw and heard the vulgarity on a tik tok video.

He then came to school and told four other 6th grade boys.

Those four boys thought it would be funny to say it to the only woman foreign teacher, me. (They would NEVER had said that to a Korean woman teacher. We all know this.)

Two of the four boys said they wouldn't do it and the other two boys should NOT either. They walked away and refused to say it to me. 

The last two boys did rock, scissors, paper to see who would say it to me.

Even though the two boys had told them NOT TO DO IT.

I was hurt for many reasons, one for being a woman and then a foreign woman that they felt they could say this to with no consequences. I knew that in this culture, they knew better than to say that to any Korean person. So they thought less of me to decide to say it to me, the foreign woman teacher.

The boys had to immediately write letters of apology to me, which they did.

I was told it might be on their permanent record which I adamantly, vocally disagreed with. A mistake a 12 year old makes should not stop them from getting a job twenty years later, unless it was murder.

After about 10 days, I forgave them in my heart and told them I forgave them verbally, after several apologies from them. 

It would not help me to carry that anger while continuing to teach these students.

But I would be lying to you if I said it doesn't still hurt my heart, y'all. 

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 3 next

Friendly bus driver

 

My bus driver wears a wireless microphone so he can greet all of his customers.

I was lucky and saw him yesterday morning AND evening.🥰 I love sweet, sincere human connections.

Allergy season 2024

 

Pollen is everywhere!!

Spring is beautiful but is painful right now.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

runny nose

Itchy eyes

Congestion 

sneezing

Dizziness 

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Beautiful skies today

 

Beautiful skies today.

No trails or rain in the sky.

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 1

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" part 1

"Teacher, how are you? Suck my d!ck," the 6th grade boy mumbled to me, under his breath...

This happened 2 weeks ago.

...okay...it took a while for me to process and for the school to decide on a punishment...here is the story...

I AM SORRY, TEACHER.

I was coming out of the cafeteria building after lunch that Friday. I always speak to random students when outside of the classroom to help them become more comfortable speaking English in normal settings. 

Two 6th grade boys approached me. I said, "Hello, how are you?" 

The first boy said, "Hello, Teacher, how are you? (in a normal voice) suck my d!ck", he mumbled the second, vulgar part.

I cocked my head to the side and asked him to repeat what he just said. He started to look scared as the second boy behind him smirked. 

I stepped toe to toe to the first boy and said to his face, very slowly and clearly, "Don't you EVER say that to me again. Do you hear me?" he nodded his head, in fear. I repeated it again, still in shock then stomped back to my 3rd floor classroom. 

In my classroom, I paced and paced and cursed and cursed. 

I was in disbelief, y'all. 

Did this little boy just say what I thought he said?????????????

I cursed his daddy, his granddaddy and his granddaddy's daddy. 

I was so angry  (and hurt) that I went out to the hallway and looked for the boy who actually said the vulgar words to me. When I saw him, I motioned for him to enter my classroom so I could translate my disgust at his words into his first language for better understanding. 

Of course, he denied it over and over, apologizing.

But the smirk of the boy behind him confirmed for me that the words he mumbled matched what I thought I heard. 

An hour later I relayed the shocking story to my co-teacher, Miss Lee. We were both in disbelief. I refused to tell her who the boy was but confirmed that he was usually a good student and respectful to authority.

"Teacher, s@ck my d!ck" Part 2 next

Thank you to my worldwide readers

 April 14th, 2024

I have had this blog for 10 years and just wanted to thank you, the readers, for joining me on this life's journey. There have been tears, laughter, reflection, shock and joy.

I hope your life is full of everything that makes us amazing human beings, good, bad, ugly and everything wonderful in between. 

😘 Mwah X 5!

Using tax money to improve the city

 

In Korea the city uses the tax money from the citizens to actually fix the city. 

Wow!

This is the way it SHOULD work.