Okay, go away, you have served your purpose.

 

In Korea, friendships are transactional. You are friends with someone for a specific benefit and they also gain something from you. Having a western foreigner friend gives a Korean higher status because that shows they can speak English, which is an expensive skill.

My husband and I had walked down to the local river park to enjoy a scheduled arts festival at 10am this past Sunday. When we got there we realized the actual ceremony wasn't until 7pm, so we decided to just sit and enjoy the beautiful Spring weather. My husband walks down to our favorite market and comes back with two bags of groceries. As we are walking away from the park, bags in hand, we hear someone yelling our names from a car passing by. It is a Korean couple we know.

We reluctantly respond and, on their very strong suggestion, go back inside the park to eat a small Korean rice snack with three of their church friends. Again, we reluctantly joined them. After a few minutes of introductions,  small talk and eating of the Korean rice snack, the Korean woman friend shoos us away. (This is about ten minutes later.) Her shooing meant, "go away, you have served your purpose."

I still can't believe that woman shooed us away, the nerve!

You see, those few minutes allowed their three church friends to see that they speak English and have two western, foreign friends. It also allowed the Korean couple to be able to, after we left, talk about how poor and low waged we are and the many things they have done to help us.  

Your need to brag about your "kind deeds" means they are not kind, just strategic.

This is the reason I try not to be too sincere in these Korean "friendships". 

They are not the real, sincere friendships that I grew up with, the ones I am familiar with, the ones I honor. I cannot honor a transactional friendship that hinders on your need to feel superior to me because you see me as "poor" or using me to show off your English skills to your church friends. 

I will never tell the Korean woman what she did to insult me because this is not the first time. She is the same one who gleefully laughed and said to us, "I will pay for the lunch and the cafe. I make more money than both of you combined."

So I will do what my real friends suggested to me. Allow that person to continue to feel superior, while knowing I own real estate and land outside of Korea. Let her pay for lunches, dinners and cafes while I sip my tea and count the money saved by letting her "rich" self pay for the outings. 

When in Rome...use them, too.